Life and struggling to keep sane
I've blogged before about how I feel life is full of surprises, and it is as anyone will agree. What I've come to realise it, is that half the time life is about shocks not surprises. About the never ending climb and the nauseating decline and fall, sometimes something good comes into your life, and you coast on the slow curve of life. Either that good thing becomes a fellow passenger on your roller coaster of life or it disappears, but either way you still have to cope with the never ending climb and sharp decline and it's just a case of getting used to it. That though is about as easy as climbing to the top of Everest without oxygen.
Some of us live on the knife edge, between homelessness and unemployment and reasonable comfort. Our roller coaster is more unpredictable, faster and scarier, than the roller coasters of others. We long for the ease and boredom of regular lives, where things are predictable and expected. Where food, clothing, and regular day to day necessities of life are normal every day needs not luxuries that are strived after.
Then, and not all of us are so lucky but some are blessed with a saviour in the guise of someone we love and loves us too, who promises to take care of us, who brings us away from that knife edge existence and hold us close. So close that we feel like we'll be safe forever, and we teach them the lessons we learned while living on that knife edge, and we show them the tricks of surviving the roller coasters nauseous declines and falls.
Right now I feel like I've found my saviour, but he's so far away and I have to live a little longer on the knife edge. So I slowly go out of my mind, with the hassles of day to day, the stresses and strains that make everything just that little bit more difficult. The smallest thing from a sibling's disappointment can make me feel I'm about to fall off that knife edge. Everything becomes a needless irritation, from the people who live around me and their innate inability to speak English properly, even though they feel they speak perfect English and hate to be corrected, even though I myself am native English and they are mere intermediate speakers of the language of Shakespeare to the idiosyncrasies of my ailing computer.
Stress makes my mind close and become introspective, and I find myself frequently wandering the lands of my imagination, and in this way holding on to my fragile sanity. Perhaps this is just a small insignificant episode in my otherwise busy existence and in a matter of days I will feel complete and comfortable in my own skin and psyche. At this moment my consolations come from my computer, chatting with my love, writing down the meanderings of my imagination and emptying my soul in my blogs. Perhaps, just perhaps I've developed my own means of therapy and therefore will eventually crawl through this lapse in sanity as defined by the majority and return to relative normality, even though I'm not at all sure what that is or how it is defined.
Well I leave you with these meanderings and hope you find interest in them.
Some of us live on the knife edge, between homelessness and unemployment and reasonable comfort. Our roller coaster is more unpredictable, faster and scarier, than the roller coasters of others. We long for the ease and boredom of regular lives, where things are predictable and expected. Where food, clothing, and regular day to day necessities of life are normal every day needs not luxuries that are strived after.
Then, and not all of us are so lucky but some are blessed with a saviour in the guise of someone we love and loves us too, who promises to take care of us, who brings us away from that knife edge existence and hold us close. So close that we feel like we'll be safe forever, and we teach them the lessons we learned while living on that knife edge, and we show them the tricks of surviving the roller coasters nauseous declines and falls.
Right now I feel like I've found my saviour, but he's so far away and I have to live a little longer on the knife edge. So I slowly go out of my mind, with the hassles of day to day, the stresses and strains that make everything just that little bit more difficult. The smallest thing from a sibling's disappointment can make me feel I'm about to fall off that knife edge. Everything becomes a needless irritation, from the people who live around me and their innate inability to speak English properly, even though they feel they speak perfect English and hate to be corrected, even though I myself am native English and they are mere intermediate speakers of the language of Shakespeare to the idiosyncrasies of my ailing computer.
Stress makes my mind close and become introspective, and I find myself frequently wandering the lands of my imagination, and in this way holding on to my fragile sanity. Perhaps this is just a small insignificant episode in my otherwise busy existence and in a matter of days I will feel complete and comfortable in my own skin and psyche. At this moment my consolations come from my computer, chatting with my love, writing down the meanderings of my imagination and emptying my soul in my blogs. Perhaps, just perhaps I've developed my own means of therapy and therefore will eventually crawl through this lapse in sanity as defined by the majority and return to relative normality, even though I'm not at all sure what that is or how it is defined.
Well I leave you with these meanderings and hope you find interest in them.
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