Tapa Bars

Okay so you're either looking all knowledgeable or you're completely dumbstruck, right? Because the real question is, what on earth is she talking about? What is a tapa bar? What is a tapa? If you speak spanish to any degree you'll have all sorts of notions about what a tapa is. From a beef steak in South America to a lid, well then you're on the right track. Although I seriously doubt you'd get a quarter pound steak for a "tapa" in a Spanish bar.

A tapa in Spain is a lid. Okay now you're looking at me strange, but really that's what "tapa" means. It means a lid, in this case a lid for you drink, to stop the flies getting in. Whereas in Britain and North America you'd get nuts or crisps (chips) in Spain they have a much better idea when it comes to snacking at the bar.

No communial, possible urine infected, bowl of peanuts here. They'd much rather offer you a piece of spanish tortilla, a thick omelette with potato and onion, a small portion of beef or pork pieces in tomato sauce or even a mini hamburger or a baked potato complete with ali-oli, garlic mayonnaise.

Depending on where you go you may get this delightful dip into spanish cuisine for free or at a small charge, about $5. Whatever happens try to stay at the bar, it's cheaper. What the best thing about going to a Tapa Bar, for me, is the people watching. Okay, so either I'm strange or it's the novelist in me that loves to watch other people. The thing is that whether it's you kind of get off or a pleasant entertainment for a dull afternoon, here are some of the people you may find in a local tapas bar in Roquetas De Mar. For example, my favourite bar in Roquetas' Urbanization (hotel area) is called "Gamba De Oro" not only are the drinks cheap and the tapas delicious but there are a variety of customers to watch all day long, if you really are that sad!

Below I have listed a few regular types that you will find in a local tapas bar in Almería.

The Flirtatious Waiter: whether he or she are attractive makes no difference to the flirtatious service you will recieve from this waiter. Especially if you're not bad looking yourself. They will tease and play all day long and night if you're attractive enough to grab their attentions and you're willing enough to go along, If you play carefully, you'll even get free drinks out of this particular servant. WORD OF WARNING: Don't be so stupid to ask for a free drink!

The Philosophic Drunk: Everywhere in the world you find one of these. This one is a regular intellect, who's lecturing at a University are over, but who loves to get into a theological debate especially when he's drunk and definitely if you're a female blonde with a large chest! This guy will also buy you drinks, but beware he's like a puppy dog you find in the street, he'll dog you for the entire night if you're not careful.

The Vivacious Blonde: Usually dressed in black, sometimes accompanied by her younger, taller friend. She enjoys flirting with "The Flirtatious Waiter" but never accompanies him/her home. Feels attractive and likes to show as much flesh as she can get away with without having the local police take her down the cells, no matter what age she is or feels to be. Don't be fooled, because she dresses like that doesn't make her the type of person you might think she is. Beware she's probably got the I.Q of Einstein and is liable to be able to beat "The Philosophic Drunk" whether sober or not.

The Family Gathering: Sat at the corner table and talking loudly amongst themselves. There's about four generations at that table, from Great Grandmother Teresa, wearing the traditional black at the age of 90, to Great Grand Daughter Desiree, who is likely to be running around the table like an untamed greyhound at the age of 6. These are no tapas bar residents and probably have come for lunch instead. So you will watch as ten or eleven plates are put in front of them, don't forget the large and communial salad that sits in the middle of the table.
Then, if you're unlucky enough, you'll watch as Desiree's mother commands her, hopelessly, to sit down at the table and eat her lunch. This will be achieved after the fifth attempt and then she'll only eat half of what has been given her. The joys of parenthood! This family circle will take as much room as they possibly can manage and are very much like the next set.

Teenagers and Twenty-Somethings: Yes, this group in one sense is better than the last. There are no 6 year olds in this group, and we thank the superior being for that release. Unfortunately we have the adult equivalent, teenagers, i.e. from 18 upwards, and twenty-somethings. Please do not consider that by that I mean that all 18 year olds and upwards to the delightful twenty-somethings are all like that. I myself am a twenty-something and I'm definitely not like that, but this is Spain and these are generalizations of the spanish temperament, no offence intended. This group will more than likely eat tapas at a huge table and like their predecesors will take up as much room as possible. On occasion you will see them eat lunch here, but not before they've got as drunk and as merry as they possibly can. The only real difference between this set and the last is the conversation. Like every other 18 to 20 something they can help but stick their sexuality in your face. Their conversation is just a reflection of this.

The Uncomfortable Tourist: Usually they're completely sunburned and wearing horrible shorts that show just how much cellulite they really have. Very attractive, I'm sure! They usually sit at the bar and confusedly look at the menu, understandably. They read the list of tapas and squirm at the thought of squid or tripe. Olives to the not so cultured English tourists are disgusting and will not be tolerated at any price. So I watch and wince at the awkward Spanish that is delivered to the ears of the barman. I grow pink with embarrassment at the superior air of conquering heroes, unfortunately mixed with a definite North of England accent and a loud and obnoxious attitude towards their fellowman.

Okay so maybe I don't have much room to talk, especially if you read my last blog on the place I live. To my mind though that is slighty different, I mean it's quite one thing to grumble about the place you live after a five year residence and quite another to moan and feel superior on a two week holiday (vacation).

To any one travelling to Southern Spain for a holiday (vacation) from any part of Northern Europe or America, please try the ali-oli and anything else that is highly ethnic of Spain. Take a piece of Spain away in your hearts, and be a traveller and not just a plain and overly common tourist. Let your travellers change your mind and open your horizons. Over and Out.